Worthy Enough to Want
I have observed this dynamic over the years through my interaction with others and within my own life and I had to figure this out so I wanted to share my insights.
We almost always know what we don't want but very few of us know what we want. I think it is easier for us to qualify what we don't want because it is usually prompted by some outside circumstances that are unpleasant and that have made us unhappy or dissatisfied. These negative motivators make it easy to identify what goes into the "I don't want" bucket. You may have started filling that bucket up in childhood, and it is probably easy to fill. It is much harder to find someone that can state very clearly what they want, maybe because in having experienced what you don't want, you have a point of context. When you haven't experienced what you want before, it may feel like a dream or wish and not reality. Or maybe, you realize all the changes and actions that may be needed to get what you want and it doesn't seem possible or realistic...... so why even open that door of wanting.
I think that there are a few things at play here. First, to state what you want, you have to feel that you are worthy of it. It would be uncomfortable to state that you want something if you felt deep down that you are unworthy of that desire. I am not sure how we get to that place in ourselves but it seems quite common that we start feeling unworthy of our desires as we get older. (Children don't have this problem). Have we been told for too long that our desires are not reasonable/acceptable or realistic? Are we questioned enough about them that we start doubting ourselves and not trusting our own desires or our worthiness to have them or at worse feeling ashamed of our desires? Do they not comfortably fit in with our family, society, or our current life? I noticed the people that gravitate towards the, "I want" type of scenario, usually feel more empowered. They must feel that they have some influence or control over manifesting their desires and they feel worthy. They trust their dreams and visions of what their life can be even if they haven't experienced it yet. It appears that their dreams of what they want are more powerful than their fear of experiencing what they don’t want.
Another thing that happens is that we think about how our desires may not be in alignment with what others want or expect so we start to discount what we want in life or question our desires. We also let other people discount our desires. Society tells us that we "should" want this or "shouldn't" want that, so we squash our own internal "knowing" about what is right for us and what feels good. What if the desires for your life don't fit in what society or your family tells you are acceptable for your happiness? Are they the authority on your happiness? I find, most people abandon their desires and get further and further away from their authentic selves and end up more and more discontent.
Finally, we have to do some internal digging around to figure out what we truly want. Figuring out what we want isn't prompted by outside forces, this is totally an internal process and getting to know yourself. This takes personal initiative. Discerning between our own internal knowing and what we may have learned can be tricky and it requires some deep reflection. We start to unravel what we think we want which has been based on years of social conditioning to what we really want.